Romantic Genius
by SergiusTheGreat
Summary: Garrus Vakarian, scolded by his best friend Commander Shepard, decides to prove to everyone that his valentine's gift to his certain someone will be the best of all. One shot. Humor and slight fluffiness.


**Just a small one shot in honor of Valentines getting here. Hope you guys enjoy it.**

**Onward!**

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><p>Romantic Genius<p>

Calibrations, always the same thing, and Garrus was getting tired of it. The mission against the collectors had been a huge success. No one died, Shepard got the girl and the galaxy was saved. Yeah… except for him.

Garrus Vakarian, the greatest sniper in the galaxy, was having trouble with his 'girlfriend' as humans called it. She was complaining about him being stuck in the calibrations room even though there were no enemies. Indeed, everyone was confident enough with the might of the Shadow Broker supporting them and the collectors gone.

Even the great and almighty Commander Shepard was stuck in his cabin sometimes, his girlfriend either giving him massages or helping him sleep. When was the girl going to get sick enough for Shepard to get worried, Garrus did not know.

In the end, that very Commander, and his best friend, scolded him like a child for not knowing what Valentine's day was. So much the turian was at the elevator, waiting for it to open up and let him go to look for that damn thing.

_*Flashback*_

"You know? Maybe if you work out in front of her, that could be a good gift for first month. My girl is always staring while I do that." Shepard smirked playfully at his turian friend.

Garrus chuckled. "Well yeah, you guys are similar in sexual dimorphism; that is why even back on the old Normandy, she would keep melting at the sight of you without a shirt."

John snickered. "Heh, never noticed before, but now that you mention it, she…"

"No." Garrus said firmly. "Don't come up here with your damn quarian porno stories."

While Shepard finished laughing, the turian thought of how Kasumi raged at his lack of study in Valentine's Day and its significance.

"Yo Shepard." Garrus called. "What's up with Valentine's day?"

Silenced invaded the room. Shepard's eyes widened and his mouth opened but then closed. Garrus was thinking of evasive maneuvers. _'Shit, either he is pissed or…'_

"Really Garrus?" Shepard's voice finally broke the silence. "You don't know anything about Valentine's? THE Valentine's?"

The turian shook his head slowly. "…..No…"

Sighing, the human got up and began a terrific lecture, so awesome Garrus remembered his sleeping days at the Academy. Shepard was a boring guy when explaining something in detail that was not military related. Shepard was famous for his military tactics lectures in the fifth deck. Even Zaeed attended.

Basically, Valentine's day is the time of love and all that fluffy crap, according to Shepard of course. Gifts, which included food and jewelry, are exchanged among couples and friends, some kisses and even full scale…. the turian smirked. _'Yeah…that…'_

"So that covers it all." At this, John got up. "I'm running late for my date at that restaurant she suggested, better be good or else I will force her to make me sandwich, even if she fails at cooking." He smirked. "Good luck Archangel."

Shepard walked away and the door sealed behind him, making Garrus scramble to his omni tool, looking for stores in the Citadel that could well take care of his little… 'problem.'

_*End of Flashback*_

Garrus was now on his way to the store he found, called 'Fleur's Love Trinkets.' Human, pretty popular with asari and even turians, so what had the sniper to lose?

Within a few minutes, he summoned a cab and got to the store, flooded with humans and asari. There were some turians, laughing or looking as if curious.

The former C-Sec agent cringed at the level of fluffiness. Asari and their taken humans making out or kissing like there was no tomorrow, a turian and human, both male, laughing and pointing at an asari, who growled at them. Strangely, they seemed like friends…

Shaking his head, Garrus grew some hide and went inside, looking for Fleur Lloris. According to the extra net, she was a French psychologist specialized in 'mating practices,' that's what the turian understood. _'Damn humans…so complicated.'_

"Hello sir, what can I do for you?" A petite woman, probably in her late twenties or beginning thirties, said to the turian.

Garrus nodded to himself, as if getting confidence. "I was looking for a… special kind of gift for my… mat… girlfriend." _'Don't know how humans can be so… Bah, I need a beer.'_

The human girl looked at him, eyebrows raised but then regained her composure and smiled at him. "Yes sir, as you can see, we have a range of turian products, we are proud to say that our store has Pallaven in its reach too."

Trying not to face palm himself out of impatience and embarrassment, he humbled. "Human girlfriend."

"Excuse me?"

"Human girlfriend." He said, a little louder.

The girl's eyes widened in shock, but then a smile slowly appeared on her face. She stifled a giggle and called for her boss.

"Boss! Could you come here?"

Thinking he was set to be executed by human women for daring to date someone of their race, the turian slowly started backing away, not wanting to create a racket on the Citadel while his friend was having a date not too far away.

"Sir, I am the owner of this story, Fleur Lloris. I can give you some advice regarding your gift." The voice was strong enough to stop the turian, looking while the rest of the people ran amok the store, probably desperate. Again, the human and turian males were laughing at the same asari, who was glaring at them.

"Eh…" Garrus turned around and saw a very attractive human, probably around her thirties. She was wearing a dress that could match any asari in beauty and a real big smile, though not creepy like the other women around the store.

"Yes?" The lady asked of him, as if expecting of the turian to start saying everything… in front of everyone.

Clearing his throat and approaching once again, his suave and manly attitude returning. "I was looking for a worthy gift of my human girlfriend." _'No one within an ear shot, heh, I feel confident now.'_

Smiling, she nodded and went to an unknown place, only to return within a minute. She then proceeded to show the turian several things, all from Earth. All were worthy of a medal to the biggest idiot, Kasumi would say, so he cut to the chase once she showed a box of chocolates.

"I am looking for a bracelet, gold, with a phrase engraved there."

Smirking, the human woman nodded. "I was wondering when you would say that Mr. Vakarian."

"Huh? When did you learn my name?" The turian asked, startled.

"When my husband told me about you."

'_Ah… my reputation precedes me heh.' _

"Who is he?"

She snickered. "I will give you a clue. He needs a lot of medicine to get in bed."

The turian scoffed. "That is pretty vague, and it sounds like he is a sick man."

"Indeed, but how many quarians have you met?"

"Two. Tali and…" His eyes widened.

She chuckled at his reaction. "Seems like you do know him."

"Fel! That crazy son of a bitch. Always babbling about humans and how they are so alike to quarians."

Nodding, Fleur looked at the turian. "Yeah, we married about a year ago. He is a very good man, though a bit naïve…" She pointed at the front door.

The turian and human pair were at it again. Their latest antic, showing the young husband of Fleur quarian porn, then laugh. Horrified, Fel walked away.

Shaking her head and laughing, the owner of the store got a bracelet. "This is twenty thousand credits."

When the turian was about to protest about the price, the human smiled and raised a hand. "But, since you helped my husband in rough times, when I was not here for him, I will get you this for ten thousand, and the engraved phrase will be free."

'_Damn you Garrus, you are good. The Commander and his stupid endorsements are nothing on this.'_

For about twenty minutes, the turian waited while his gift to that certain thief was completed. The pair of antic masters was now busy flirting with several of the women. Garrus tried to recognize them but couldn't.

After his gift was given to him, completed and then meeting with Fel for about half an hour, the turian started walking back to the Normandy.

By the time he got there, Shepard and his woman were celebrating the day while a certain thief was fuming. She kept huffing when some of the couples kissed or exchanged gifts.

Of course, the turian sniper made it there and kneeled, thinking that was how humans professed their love for another person, and showed Kasumi his gift.

She gasped. It was a golden bracelet, with the words "To My and Only Love." She giggled, hugged her turian teddy bear and boyfriend, then proceeded to brag about it with her best friend, the girlfriend of Shepard.

As both women nodded at each other and laughed, Shepard approached his friend.

"I see you followed my advice."

"Of course Shepard, you are talking to THE Archangel here."

Chuckling, the commander looked at his comrade in arms. "Those words were good man, nice job really, pretty romantic."

"Not only that." The turian chuckled. "It is also genius."

"How come?" Shepard inquired.

Laughing, the turian whispered in his best friend's ear. "In case I screw it up, I can use it again man."

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><p><strong>Well, feel free to tell me if you liked it or not. Indeed, Garrus is a genius, we men should learn from him huh?<strong>

**Thanks for reading.**


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